are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize