theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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