I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
