I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
