that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
