I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Are we still banned from the library?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
