I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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