I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize