got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
