he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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