I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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