I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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