it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
