omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
