thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
