Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize