You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
