Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
