I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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