seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
