Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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