His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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