Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
