one might say we're banned from that church
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
