Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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