The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
