1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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