So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
