I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
