I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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