Do you still have your period?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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