No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
