i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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