this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
