I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
