I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
