I skipped work to stalk him.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
