Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
