the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
