Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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