We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
