Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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