I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
