I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
