Ambien. No doubt about it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
