please come you make the beer taste better
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
