Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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