Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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