come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
