Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
