His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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