wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
