Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
