he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
