: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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