you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
