Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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