i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
