it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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