I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
