If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
