Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
