I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
